Don't just send them a cheesy last-minute birthday card, sweeten up their special day with a Personalised Happy Birthday Cancake!
This mini personalised feast is handmade in Germany using only natural and high-quality ingredients, and, because it's baked right in the can, it has a lengthy shelf life of up to 18 months without the need for nasty additives, stabilisers, colourings or raising agents. Packed full of delicious chocolate brownie OR white wine/grappa flavour, this soft and moist sponge cake is ready to be devoured straight from the can - no further cooking required!
And that's not even the best bit; to really ramp up the birthday vibes you can add a personalised message and photo to the label on the tin. Just hit 'Personalise' to upload your pic and write your message and we'll take care of the rest. We've also included a candle for your lucky recipient to blow out, because a birthday cake without a candle is just a regular cake.
Fancy trying some of our other canned delicacies? Make sure you check out the full range of CanCakes.
Whether it’s a big milestone birthday or just a random number that no one cares about, this personalised birthday beer mug will add a touch of ‘glass’ to their special day. All the text is customisable, so go crazy. Print their name, date, age, an in-joke, rude nickname. The only limit is your imagination (and the character count, obvs).
The aptly named ISAKOK Japanese incense sticks are a lie. Inside this cylinder is in fact a 2 and a half foot penis projectile, complete with hairy balls, that will launch itself into the face of anyone who releases it. The Cock Cannon prank gift is the perfect addition to hen parties, birthdays, or even Valentine’s Day (if you’re brave enough).
Make the gifting experience begin before they’ve even opened the present with this Personalised Milestone Birthday Wrapping Paper. Simply upload a photo of the face you want to feature, choose the birthday age and we’ll do the rest, printing your design all over a sheet of high-quality wrapping paper in the colour of your choice.
Surprise your partner or BFF with a pair of pants they won’t expect when you get them these glorious personalised face boxer shorts. Choose any face you like, from your own to their celebrity crush or favourite movie character. We’ll take care of the rest, namely printing said face in a tile pattern all over their bloomers.
Take your future into your own hands with our new Crystal Ball Gin. Just give the bottle a gentle swirl and as you lose yourself in the glistening, shimmering spirit... all will be revealed.
Proudly distilled in England, this enigmatic potion perfectly blends together notes of cherry and hibiscus for a delicately sweet and floral palette. While subtle hints of elderberry introduce a tart balance and endow the gin with its striking purple hue.
But that's not all – at the touch of a button, a light concealed within the base of the orb-shaped bottle illuminates the spirit to create a mystical glittery glow. Suffice to say, it's an otherworldly drinking experience and it deserves to be front and centre in your drinks cabinet - or at least in a prominent space to catch the eye of curious passers-by.
It's the perfect gift for gin connoisseurs, budding psychics, or anyone who's into fortune-telling and what mysteries the future may hold.
This tinned treat is hand-made in Germany using only natural and high-quality ingredients, and because it's baked right in the can, it has a lengthy shelf life of up to 18 months without the need for nasty additives, stabilisers, colourings or raising agents.
Packed full of delicious chocolate brownie flavour, this soft and moist sponge cake is ready to be devoured straight from the can - no further cooking required! And that's not all; to ramp up the birthday vibes we've included a candle for your lucky recipient to blow out. Just the one though because, you know, no one likes to be reminded of their age!
Fancy trying some of our other canned delicacies? Make sure you check out the full range of Cancakes.
We extracted the capsaicin (the hot bit) from the hottest chillies available, the resulting infusion burns like a thousand suns, and then we made delicious milk chocolate with it. Or at least, that was the plan.
If you’re the kind of seasoned curry connoisseur who asks for extra spicy, or the type to drizzle Tabasco liberally on everything, then this may well be a dream come true. However be warned, this ludicrously hot chocolate is not for the faint of heart... it’s not even really for fun. Strictly speaking, it’s probably not chocolate at all.
So just to confirm for anyone in the remotest of doubt – our Instant Regret Chocolate really is extraordinarily hot. The factory didn't really want to make it. It's fair to say that it turned out quite a bit hotter than anyone expected. Still, what is joy without pain – excruciating oral and internal pain?
Challenge yourself, and your friends. You won’t regret it.*
*Seriously, you almost certainly WILL regret it.
Snuggle up with Pierre and rest your head on his lovely soft shaft - or keep him on your desk to make your colleagues INSTANTLY contact HR to voice their concerns. Treat yourself to this adorable addition to your plush collection - because you’re girth it.
Please note: this is not an accurate to scale version of a human penis. Thank god.
Draw a card and you’ll find a series of incomprehensible words - e.g. ‘though wok calves aim’. Say it. It sounds like ‘the walk of shame’! Don’t worry if you couldn’t work it out though, it’s written on the back of the card. Mind you, that doesn’t bode well for your performance in-game. You’ll have to tune your ears to ‘gibberish’.
With 500 cards and 3 categories to play through, you'll be mishearing stuff for years to come. It’s extremely fun, it’s exceptionally irritating, and it’s a portable game anyone can play. What more could you want?!
If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
We've bottled their sorrowful syrup and produced this legendary elixir so that you too can invoke all of their extraordinary magic. Leave your old life behind, sip upon these Phoenix tears and resurrect yourself with all of its confidence, beauty and grandeur – and in some rare cases, its glorious crest feathers.
Like its fabled stablemate Unicorn Tears Gin, our closely-guarded extraction methods will remain a mystery for now. Just know that we've the mixed their tears into a premium Caribbean Rum carrying aromas of brown sugar and dried fruit blended with natural cinnamon and ginger to give it a sweet and spicy flavour. It's the missing mythical ingredient in your liquor cabinet.
Just give the bottle a shake and lose yourself as the shimmering golden embers swirl through an opalescent cosmos of dark and mysterious rum.
Cat-Astrophe has one aim: you stack the cats.
There’s no timer, you can take as long as you need.
They who stacks the cats the highest wins. It’s that simple. Anyone can play this. Kids and adults. Strangers and best mates. Big groups or on your own. Dumb people and clever people. People who hate games and people who love games. People who don’t speak the same language and people who do. Cat lovers get to play with tiny little adorable vinyl cats, cat haters get to see the tower inevitably topple. What’s not to love?
And they're therapeutic for both men and women!
When the moment strikes, just give these balls a pulverising squeeze and know that if this was real life, the owner of the testicles would be paralysed with fear and pain, dry-heaving and wishing for a swift death. What a calming thought.
Stop playing trouser billiards like a mucky little ape! It might feel wonderfully relaxing but it's horrific to watch. Keep your hands off your – in all probability – unwashed balls and relieve yourself with this rubber prosthesis instead.*
*although don't stop checking them for lumps n' that. Maybe do it in the shower.
Complete with three different mini-LPs, this turntable is truly teeny, tiny, and bags of fun. Just slot one of the ‘records’ onto the pin and give it a spin to hear 70s funk, classic rock, or a bit of good ol’ fashioned jazz.
But the fun doesn’t stop there - you can even customise it using the included stickers or swot up on your music history with the included 32 page book of fun facts about the best records of all time.
It’s even better than a real record player! Certainly cheaper, anyway.
Just plop a few Unicorn Poo Bath Bombs in your tub and they'll fizz and roam around the water, leaving a psychedelic marble of bright colours in their wake.
What's more, because these Unicorns have been fed a rich (and brutally strict) diet of raspberries, their dreamy droppings will fill your bathroom with a fragrant fruity aroma.
Filled with 20 stirring scratch n' sniff scent pads, this chunky cardboard book explores the rich history and evolution of this wondrous drug. Covering all topics from the science behind the munchies (it's very real), the botanical link between beer and weed, and why smoking cannabis makes Pink Floyd sound so damned good.
Entertaining, informative (did you know you could nibble or sniff peppercorns to reduce the paranoia? Incredible.) and beautifully-illustrated — it's the perfect gift for total pot heads or those with just a little cannabis curiosity.
Once you're awake, you now have a choice. Should you use this break in sleep cycles to use the toilet?
Yes you should. But the world is a dark place. Especially your bathroom. So what are your options? You can't turn the light on, that's mental. You'll be instantly and violently awake.
You could leave the lights off and try using instinct and porcelain echo feedback to find the centre of the toilet but it's way too messy. You need a 3rd way.
You need the Toilet Bowl Light.
It's light-sensitive so it will only turn on in the dark, and motion-activated so it will only light up when you walk into the bathroom at night.
It comes equipped with six colour options - single colour or cycling effect - and fits any toilet.
Now you don't need to shuffle nervously through the dark trying to avoid smashing your leg/shin against the toilet or apologise sheepishly to better halves when they inspect the erratic results of your night-time manoeuvres.
Let the Toilet Bowl Light take the toil out of the toilet.
One unassuming black box containing six identical gourmet milk chocolate sphincters. Each one carefully cast from the immaculate (well, we think it looks pretty tidy) anus of a kind, female stranger.
It might be the cheeky, often outlawed sex muscle but you can't deny that it's a powerful symbol of intimacy. And, given the right flavouring (in this case chocolate) the anus can be a highly decadent treat.
This is the year you open up to that special someone, spread the love, really spoil with them a spot of indulgent anal feasting. Let them know that your heart is in the right place with this thoroughly tongue-in-cheek gift.
It's usually a heady combination of trapped moisture, the last few meals you cooked, the laundry detergent you use and a few spider farts thrown in for good measure. Granted you don't even notice it after about ten minutes, but your curious and unique home scent remains – ready to be enjoyed (and ruthlessly judged in private) by your guests.
Needless to say, this minimalist Incense House is the stylish solution to this age-old problem!
Just pop one of the miniature incense cones inside, light it up and watch as swirls of smoke waft gently from the chimney – filling your home with a fresh (and long-lasting) sandalwood scent.
Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
Okay unless you're on the set of a fancy shampoo advert, that's probably not going to happen. Sorry.
But! You can still bathe luxuriously at home and pat yourself dry with our new Personalised Monogram Nature Towel. This soft and fluffy microfibre towel is embellished with leaves and can be customised with a stylised floral initial and your name - so no cheeky monkeys will pinch it!
This pink grapefruit-flavoured gin is made from the glittery tears of fabulous flamingos. It's a bold hit of bittersweet citrus blended with crisp and dry juniper aromas to create one seriously tasty gin. Just give it a swirl to whip up a shimmery coral-coloured haze.
Tastes delicious shaken up into a cocktail, served over ice or paired with a classic tonic.