Defrost your frozen fingers with these practical (and adorable) Heart Hand Warmers. Also makes a great gift for that one person in your life who’s always cold.
With a tempting ‘Drink Me’ lovingly printed on each and every ball, these baubles are waiting to be filled with whatever spirit you want. Simply unscrew the secure lid, pour in any drink you like, screw the lid back on… and you’re done!
Absolutely perfect for parties, stockings, and getting Nan wasted on sherry before the Queen’s speech.
PRO TIP: Try to hang ‘em on the higher up branches so that any wayward children don’t drink the magic Christmas liquid. The festive period is stressful enough without tipsy kids. Or a very sad trip to A&E.
BONUS POINTS: Make your tipple of choice Mythical Tears, you’ll have the sparkliest tree in town ✨
Mr Razor the Razor Holder uses a clever suction cup to stick securely to your bathroom tiles or mirror, giving you the perfect place to stow your shaving device.
Raising your razor off the sink or window sill (don't pretend yours isn't sitting there right now) keeps your blades clean from dirt and safely out of reach from a curious kid's hands.
Mr Razor also serves as a daily motivation to keep your facial hair in check, maybe one day you'll grow a moustache as powerful as his!
And what better receptacle for those mighty leaves than this adorable little fella? Aside from looking like a cute little cat, this teacup hides a teapot inside. Simply decant a measure of your favourite loose leaf tea inside the sweet little fish-shaped strainer, add your water and you're ready to go!
You could even pop a tea bag in there if you aren’t about the loose leaf life. Either way, you’ll be treating yourself to a perfectly steeped cuppa for once, instead of making do with a quick bash around with a spoon after letting the tea infuse for a paltry half minute. Or leaving the tea bag in and letting it attack your face when you drink. Or, please not this, just putting the leaves into the water so you have to drink them down. You animal.
There are no two ways about it – this mug is covered with hundreds of micro penises. An inspired design that casually treads the fine line between subtle abstract masterpiece and horrendous phallic overload. Is it just us or does it have a bit of a Scandi vibe going on?
Best not to overthink it – it's a cup of dicks!
Just imagine those faces, merrily tiled across your neatly wrapped gifts, and the joy on your recipient’s faces as they notice and think to themselves, “Wow, [YOUR NAME HERE] sure is a generous, creative, hilarious specimen. I might give them all my money/propose to them/buy them a new car/write an album of songs about how lovely they are/wash all of their dishes forever.”
Romance isn’t dead, it’s just gone digital. This Personalised ‘It’s a Match’ Mug celebrates the loved-up couples that would never have crossed paths had it not been for the not-so-humble dating app. Guaranteed catfish-free, it makes the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day or a relationship milestone.
We extracted the capsaicin (the hot bit) from the hottest chillies available, the resulting infusion burns like a thousand suns, and then we made delicious milk chocolate with it. Or at least, that was the plan.
If you’re the kind of seasoned curry connoisseur who asks for extra spicy, or the type to drizzle Tabasco liberally on everything, then this may well be a dream come true. However be warned, this ludicrously hot chocolate is not for the faint of heart... it’s not even really for fun. Strictly speaking, it’s probably not chocolate at all.
So just to confirm for anyone in the remotest of doubt – our Instant Regret Chocolate really is extraordinarily hot. The factory didn't really want to make it. It's fair to say that it turned out quite a bit hotter than anyone expected. Still, what is joy without pain – excruciating oral and internal pain?
Challenge yourself, and your friends. You won’t regret it.*
*Seriously, you almost certainly WILL regret it.
Gone are the worries of your motor smelling of last night's takeaway or that incident that got a bit sweaty on the backseat. With these personalised air fresheners, not only will your car have a delightful sea scent, it will also make you smile every time you look in the rear view mirror.
Creating it is simple; decide on the photos you want, one for the front and a different one for the back, make sure they’re high quality and zoomed in nice and close. Each face will cover one side so both drivers and passers by can enjoy your weird choice in car accessories.
Stuck for ideas? Why not choose a picture of your Mum to remind you not to ruin her 5 years no-claims bonus? Maybe one of your mates so that you're never riding solo? Or torture yourself with a pic of your celebrity crush, knowing that’s as close as you’ll ever get.
We're piously proud to present Inflatable Jesus, a 100% accurate replica messiah in all his beardy, robed greatness. Sure he's only 50cm tall but people were a lot shorter back in those days.
If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
And they're therapeutic for both men and women!
When the moment strikes, just give these balls a pulverising squeeze and know that if this was real life, the owner of the testicles would be paralysed with fear and pain, dry-heaving and wishing for a swift death. What a calming thought.
Stop playing trouser billiards like a mucky little ape! It might feel wonderfully relaxing but it's horrific to watch. Keep your hands off your – in all probability – unwashed balls and relieve yourself with this rubber prosthesis instead.*
*although don't stop checking them for lumps n' that. Maybe do it in the shower.