The aptly named ISAKOK Japanese incense sticks are a lie. Inside this cylinder is in fact a 2 and a half foot penis projectile, complete with hairy balls, that will launch itself into the face of anyone who releases it. The Cock Cannon prank gift is the perfect addition to hen parties, birthdays, or even Valentine’s Day (if you’re brave enough).
Just imagine those faces, merrily tiled across your neatly wrapped gifts, and the joy on your recipient’s faces as they notice and think to themselves, “Wow, [YOUR NAME HERE] sure is a generous, creative, hilarious specimen. I might give them all my money/propose to them/buy them a new car/write an album of songs about how lovely they are/wash all of their dishes forever.”
Romance isn’t dead, it’s just gone digital. This Personalised ‘It’s a Match’ Mug celebrates the loved-up couples that would never have crossed paths had it not been for the not-so-humble dating app. Guaranteed catfish-free, it makes the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day or a relationship milestone.
We extracted the capsaicin (the hot bit) from the hottest chillies available, the resulting infusion burns like a thousand suns, and then we made delicious milk chocolate with it. Or at least, that was the plan.
If you’re the kind of seasoned curry connoisseur who asks for extra spicy, or the type to drizzle Tabasco liberally on everything, then this may well be a dream come true. However be warned, this ludicrously hot chocolate is not for the faint of heart... it’s not even really for fun. Strictly speaking, it’s probably not chocolate at all.
So just to confirm for anyone in the remotest of doubt – our Instant Regret Chocolate really is extraordinarily hot. The factory didn't really want to make it. It's fair to say that it turned out quite a bit hotter than anyone expected. Still, what is joy without pain – excruciating oral and internal pain?
Challenge yourself, and your friends. You won’t regret it.*
*Seriously, you almost certainly WILL regret it.
Gone are the worries of your motor smelling of last night's takeaway or that incident that got a bit sweaty on the backseat. With these personalised air fresheners, not only will your car have a delightful sea scent, it will also make you smile every time you look in the rear view mirror.
Creating it is simple; decide on the photos you want, one for the front and a different one for the back, make sure they’re high quality and zoomed in nice and close. Each face will cover one side so both drivers and passers by can enjoy your weird choice in car accessories.
Stuck for ideas? Why not choose a picture of your Mum to remind you not to ruin her 5 years no-claims bonus? Maybe one of your mates so that you're never riding solo? Or torture yourself with a pic of your celebrity crush, knowing that’s as close as you’ll ever get.
Some would say that these Personalised Face Socks are a bit much, and that’s exactly why you need them in your life. Whether you want to buy a pair for yourself or as a gift for your favourite person, this delightful wardrobe accessory adds a bit of personality to the dull world of foot fashion.
Simply upload a photo of your choice (making sure it follows our printing guidelines) then our wizards will turn your image into a multi-portrait masterpiece that will make you the envy of the world.
We're piously proud to present Inflatable Jesus, a 100% accurate replica messiah in all his beardy, robed greatness. Sure he's only 50cm tall but people were a lot shorter back in those days.
Simply plug in the Rainbow Glitter Lava Lamp and bask in its mesmerising glow as it creates swirly, sparkling patterns all over the walls of your home.
With it's iridescent brushed metal base and cap, it's sure to brighten up your living space - even if it's turned off!
Big barbarian banquets in front of a roaring fire, feasting on legs of mutton with their bare hands. Swigging on mead and planning their next plunderous voyage while beating each other up for the fun of it and bellowing drinking songs 'til dawn. Those were the days, eh?
The Viking Horn Glass is a throwback to this epic boozy era. Just fill it up with your favourite tipple, raise a hearty toast to Odin and co, then get ready to party like a Viking!
Don't let its primitive roots fool you, this curvaceous goblet is significantly classier than your average carved cow horn, it's made from soda-lime glass and holds up to 480ml of your finest ale or mead.
The horn even comes with sturdy birch wood stand so you can proudly display it on the mantel, you know, next to your sword, shield, the skulls of your enemies etc.
We don't sell golden thrones or rent out teams of loyal manservants - but we know that every aspiring princess deserves their own set of fancy regal robes.
Now you can relax like royalty with our Personalised Luxury Princess Dressing Gown.
Possibly the softest, warmest, snuggliest garment in the entire known universe. Featuring a large hood (to leave room for your crown), as well as two deep pockets for all of your essentials - mobile phone, gold sceptre, share-size bag of Maltesers etc.
And that's not all, we can print the back of this luxurious dressing gown with any name you desire; your own, your kid's, your partner's - just hit the 'Personalise' button and we'll take care of the rest.
Whether you're having a sleepover with friends, settling down for a Disney marathon on the sofa, or going to get the morning papers - make sure you do it in style with our Personalised Luxury Princess Dressing Gown.
You know all those photos on your mobile phone? The lovely heart-warming ones you're always scrolling back through your gallery to find. Well, it's about time you liberated these memories and got 'em immortalised on say, a Personalised Photo and Text Cushion Cover!
Liven up your living space (or someone else's) with this cosy customised cushion, printed with a montage of three of your favourite photos and a cheeky message of your choosing!
Using our simple and intuitive personalisation process, you can easily upload your photos and and arrange them as you fancy. Just hit the Personalise button to give it a try - before you know it you'll cuddling up with your new cushion and admiring your lovely snaps.
Shower his ceramic body with the included set of seeds, add a bit of water, then your work is done. Within days, a beautiful green coat will begin sprouting. Watch it bloom a bit more every day, from a bit of seedy stubble to a lush layer of green goodness.
But what happens after you’ve harvested your first batch? Pick up some more chia seeds from your supermarket and do it all over again! This llama is infinitely reusable.
Tall glasses, short glasses, tulip glasses, dimpled glasses; they say there's a glass for every type of beer and occasion. But what about a special beer glass created just for you?
With our new Personalised Beer Stein, your favourite brew has never tasted sweeter!
This premium tankard has a classy frosted finish for that mouthwatering 'fresh from the cooler' look and features a sturdy, trigger-style handle for easy holding (and hearty cheers-ing).
Just hit the 'Personalise' button to add a cheeky message of your choice (up to 60 characters spread across 4 lines, bad beer puns are hoptional). It could be a special date, the name of your Best Man, a classic quote, a birthday message – you name it, we'll print it.
Cheers to that!
Snuggle up with Pierre and rest your head on his lovely soft shaft - or keep him on your desk to make your colleagues INSTANTLY contact HR to voice their concerns. Treat yourself to this adorable addition to your plush collection - because you’re girth it.
Please note: this is not an accurate to scale version of a human penis. Thank god.