Snuggle up with Pierre and rest your head on his lovely soft shaft - or keep him on your desk to make your colleagues INSTANTLY contact HR to voice their concerns. Treat yourself to this adorable addition to your plush collection - because you’re girth it.
Please note: this is not an accurate to scale version of a human penis. Thank god.
Gone are the worries of your motor smelling of last night's takeaway or that incident that got a bit sweaty on the backseat. With these personalised air fresheners, not only will your car have a delightful sea scent, it will also make you smile every time you look in the rear view mirror.
Creating it is simple; decide on the photos you want, one for the front and a different one for the back, make sure they’re high quality and zoomed in nice and close. Each face will cover one side so both drivers and passers by can enjoy your weird choice in car accessories.
Stuck for ideas? Why not choose a picture of your Mum to remind you not to ruin her 5 years no-claims bonus? Maybe one of your mates so that you're never riding solo? Or torture yourself with a pic of your celebrity crush, knowing that’s as close as you’ll ever get.
Simply upload your pictures and we'll pop them on a delightfully squishy Mushion and send them on their way to you. Make sure the photos you choose are clear and not blurry or super pixellated - your Mushions will only be as good as the photos you submit.
What will you get on yours? Happy face and sad face? You and your partner? Your friend and their dog? Mum and dad? Your two best mates? Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby? The possibilities are endless!
Some would say that these Personalised Face Socks are a bit much, and that’s exactly why you need them in your life. Whether you want to buy a pair for yourself or as a gift for your favourite person, this delightful wardrobe accessory adds a bit of personality to the dull world of foot fashion.
Simply upload a photo of your choice (making sure it follows our printing guidelines) then our wizards will turn your image into a multi-portrait masterpiece that will make you the envy of the world.
He’s no use when he’s all floppy, so fill him up with hot water before getting tucked up. Pro-tip: Tuck him down your pants to experience the thrill of having your very own obscenely large, hot dick.
He’s not just for show, it turns out the humble penis is the perfect shape for a hot water bottle, distributing that lovely warmth sideways through the balls and lengthwise through the shaft. Mmm, cosy.
Just try to ignore his weird little face and be thankful that real penises don’t have them. Mind you, if you were with a man who had a schlong that big, its little grin would be the least of your problems...
And they're therapeutic for both men and women!
For women:
When the moment strikes, just give these balls a pulverising squeeze and know that if this was real life, the owner of the testicles would be paralysed with fear and pain, dry-heaving and wishing for a swift death. What a calming thought.
For men:
Stop playing trouser billiards like a mucky little ape! It might feel wonderfully relaxing but it's horrific to watch. Keep your hands off your – in all probability – unwashed balls and relieve yourself with this rubber prosthesis instead.*
*although don't stop checking them for lumps n' that. Maybe do it in the shower.
- Only upload photos with one face in them (no group photos please!)
- Photos showing more than one face may result in us having to delay or even cancel your order.
- Don't ruin Christmas by uploading photos with multiple faces in!
Just upload a photo of anyone you like and we’ll get to work crafting their lovely mug into your very own wearable blanket. This thing will jettison you into new levels of comfort, relegating your previously top-tier dressing gown to the merely ‘decent’ category. Regular blankets will never be enough for you ever again.
It’s the ideal gift for someone you miss or someone who misses you, far-flung friends and family, celebrity Stans, or just as a gift to yourself. There’s no cosier way to treat yourself.
Set-up is simple and fast. Load the capacious cum-containers with whatever you want to spatter the lucky loser with. Spin the dial on the left ball to find out how many pumps you’ve got until touchdown. Do the same with the dial on the right ball to find out where you have to aim it, then pump away!
It’s basically raunchy Buckaroo, but instead of having loads of annoying plastic accessories to pick up off the floor, you just have to get stuck into a packet of wet wipes.
While no alcohol is necessary to have a ton of cheeky fun with Jizz: The Game, you can quadruple the banter by turning it into a drinking game. Take a shot every time your slutty mate takes a load to the face. Hilarious!
Or switch up your substance of choice for even more wacky ejaculation! Pour in glittery gin for a bougie blowjob, orange squash for a kinky sprinkle, or add flour and egg for the ultimate bu-cakey experience.
It’s a bit naughty, but you can handle it. Cum on, don’t be a wanker, it’s only some jizz!
The aptly named ISAKOK Japanese incense sticks are a lie. Inside this cylinder is in fact a 2 and a half foot penis projectile, complete with hairy balls, that will launch itself into the face of anyone who releases it. The Cock Cannon prank gift is the perfect addition to hen parties, birthdays, or even Valentine’s Day (if you’re brave enough).
It’s never been easier to get anybody’s face on a mega-sized cushion. Just upload your pictures and we'll get them on a humongous, soft cushion and pop them in the post. Make sure the photos you upload are high quality (AKA not super blurry or pixelated) and the Firebox fairies will do the rest.
The perfect gift for a big-headed pal, someone who misses you, or anyone who might like a giant snuggly double sided face to squeeze.
These genius Post-Poo Toilet Bombs will save a few blushes the next time you need to send a sausage to the seaside. Simply unload your timber, flush, then pop a bomb or two in the toilet bowl. The fresh, fruity orange scent eliminates offensive odours so you can waltz out of the toilet guilt-free.
If you’re a serial stinker, you can pop a couple in your pocket for those awkward restaurant/bar/gym moments when you’ve got a brown trout to liberate and there’s someone behind you in the queue. Post-Poo Toilet Bombs also make the perfect gift for those known stinkers who think that saying “I wouldn’t go in there for a while” is enough to justify wilting all the flowers within a 50 metre radius.
Simply upload a good clear picture of the faces you desire and we'll transform them all into distorted and squishy cushions for you to do with as you please.
Coming to you in packs of one, two or three, these cosy cushions feature a black reverse and look best boasting a high quality image. What an earth are you waiting for? Mush some faces into your home-decor and never look back.
You don’t deserve that. So we made them cry, then we bottled their aching sadness.
All that sweet retribution turned their salty tears into a juicy passion fruit and mango flavoured shimmering gin liqueur with a 20% ABV. It’s the perfect partner for prosecco or tonic water and a slice of grapefruit. Swirl their tears around your glass to unlock their magnificent holographic shimmer, reassured at least a few f*ckboy's were harmed in the making of this mythical elixir.
Warning: drinking too much of this may lead to rogue ex-texting. Be on your guard.
Draw a card and you’ll find a series of incomprehensible words - e.g. ‘though wok calves aim’. Say it. It sounds like ‘the walk of shame’! Don’t worry if you couldn’t work it out though, it’s written on the back of the card. Mind you, that doesn’t bode well for your performance in-game. You’ll have to tune your ears to ‘gibberish’.
With 500 cards and 3 categories to play through, you'll be mishearing stuff for years to come. It’s extremely fun, it’s exceptionally irritating, and it’s a portable game anyone can play. What more could you want?!
No need to retrieve these fecal floating fellas from your bathtub. These adorable racing floaters are a solid source of bathtime entertainment, just wind them up and watch the little turbo-charged turds race across the water.
Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
Celebrate the evolution of female pubic hair - in all of its beautiful forms - with the Muff Mug!
Featuring illustrations of 'classic' styles from au natural to waxes, vajazzles and beyond.
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